Ask Stacy – Love is in the air, so too is divorce.

April and May are special months! While May brings flowers from April's showers. April also brought us the Easter and Passover holidays; for my family and me, it is a cherished season of our Passover celebration. During this Jewish holiday, we commemorate the Exodus of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. It is a momentous occasion to remember the struggles and sacrifices of our ancestors and rejoice in the freedoms we enjoy today. I particularly love this holiday because it reminds us to appreciate what we have and share in the bounty of life with our loved ones, whether by birth or choice. And, I have great memories of our large family Seder dinners when I was a child; sadly, our Seders are now much smaller.

These are also essential lessons for those going through a divorce. Even though a relationship is ending, the people that matter the most will still be in your life, and a new chapter is about to unfold -- just like those May flowers bursting through the soil again! Embracing an optimistic mindset for what comes next is -- or at least can be -- a deliberate choice.

Now let me answer some of your questions:

ASK STACY: What is a legal separation, and does it always lead to divorce?  Do I need an attorney to file for separation?

MY THOUGHTS: There are two distinct answers to this question.  One is a big “L” Legal, big “S” Separation, and one is a small “l” legal, small “s” separation. Let me tackle the big “L” big “S” first. When you file in California, you have a choice of dissolution of the marriage, Legal Separation, or Nullity (also known as an annulment). The same options are available for registered domestic partnerships. When you file for Legal Separation, it is the same as a divorce, except you do not dissolve the status of your marriage. In other words, you set support, you determine custody, you divide your assets, you divide your liabilities, et cetera. This option is often chosen when the parties do not believe in divorce, or if one of them is ill and needs to remain on the other’s medical insurance, or if the “D” word seems just too scary.

The other form of legal separation (note the small “l” and “s”) in California is when the parties separate as a prelude to divorce or perhaps not to choose divorce. In such cases, where it is an intended prelude to divorce, there has to be very clear communication that the marriage is over and no attempts at reconciliation are possible. If you meet the criteria for a legal separation with a clear intent to divorce, spouses who are legally separated normally open new bank accounts and are no longer interacting with each other, such as going out as a married couple, seeing a marital therapist together to work on their marriage, or having sex with each other. In this scenario, even if you have not filed, the court in California will accept this as a legal separation. This legal separation designation is essential because anything that you earn from your services from the date of the separation forward is considered the earning spouse’s separate property.

The final part of your question asks about legal representation. It is always unwise to represent yourself in court when filing a document. Having an attorney is the best way to protect your rights.

ASK STACY: You seem to be a strong proponent of therapy, when needed, during the divorce process.  How do you feel about divorce support groups?  Do you ever recommend this approach to your clients?

MY THOUGHTS: You bet! I am a strong proponent of therapy during the divorce process. In my experience, having a therapist is very helpful in getting through the challenges of divorce. It can also help you communicate effectively with your legal counsel and enable you to be the best parent possible. Not because there is something wrong with you, but to help you cope with the stresses and the challenges you are facing. As for divorce support groups, I have found that some of them are quite strident, and I do not believe in anything that amps up the tension and encourages taking extreme positions. However, if being in a divorce support group makes you feel better and helps you move through the process more holistically and more healthily, then I wholeheartedly support it. Divorce support groups run by your church, synagogue, or mosque are likely safer options. And in the case of spouses or partners who are addicts or alcoholics, I recommend Al-Anon, AAA, or similar organizations.

ASK STACY: Having watched your podcast, I can see you are very knowledgeable about style and fashion.  Who is your favorite clothing designer, and why do you like their designs the most?

MY THOUGHTS: First off, thank you so much for watching my podcast. It is fun to share other aspects of myself, such as my love of fashion. I have three favorite designers. I adore Akris because it is suitable for work or fun, yet it has a distinctly modern edge. The fabrics are beautiful, and the designs really flow. I am also partial to Christian Dior for the same reasons. It is just beautiful clothing. Another of my favorites is Frank & Eileen, a label owned by a friend. Their designs are very casual, wearable, and stylish, featuring fabulous white shirts, great sweaters, jeans, and pants – all are my go-tos! So, those are my three favorite fashion designers, and my two favorite shoe designers are Jennifer Chamandi and Enrico Cuini.  I love the style and fit of Jennifer’s shoes; I am a big fan of her gorgeous slingbacks. Enrico Cuini also creates bespoke booties and slides, which I quite like.

ASK STACY: I read that your father was once a senior executive at United Artists, which was founded by Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., Mary Pickford, Charlie Chaplin, and D.W. Griffith. Do you have any stories of meeting famous movie legends when you were young?

MY THOUGHTS: While I never met those particular legends, I am delighted to say I did meet some incredible celebrities through my family’s work in the entertainment industry. When I was young, I recall a New Year's Eve party where I had the opportunity to meet Liza Minnelli. Since those days, I have had the privilege of working with numerous celebrities, as well as interacting with many luminaries in the political, business, and philanthropy worlds.

ASK STACY: I helped put my wife through medical school, but just as she starts her career, we are divorcing. Can her future earnings potential be factored into the support calculations?

MY THOUGHTS: Support is typically based on the here and now. Future earning potential is not a factor. However, if she starts to earn more money, depending on certain circumstances, you may be able to go back to court to modify the amount of support. In the case of a voluntary resolution or settlement, you can discuss and negotiate a step-up or step-down in support of the agreement. And if she is not working and has a medical degree, you can certainly talk to the court about imputed income potential.

ASK STACY: Do you have any passions outside the law? What do you do for fun?

MY THOUGHTS: As you may know from reading these posts and listening to my podcast, I am passionate about practicing law and zealously representing my clients. It is not just a job for me. It is a calling. However, outside of work, I am passionate about music. I love, love, love listening to my favorite artists and discovering new ones. Seeing live music and attending concerts is my thing! I am also quite fond of travelling. Although I do not do it as often as I would like, I enjoy losing myself in a good book. Like many of you, I stream entertainment and have a particular fondness for Hallmark movies and TV shows. Another passion of mine is entertaining. Whether it is a small gathering of friends and family or a large group of like-minded professionals and peers, there is nothing I enjoy more than hosting a party. I enjoy taking care of myself, including going on walks and working out. And, of course, my greatest love is spending time with my family and friends, especially enjoying a great concert, a fabulous dinner, or a formal dinner party, which I am blessed to host several times a year.

ASK STACY: I believe my husband and his attorney are dragging out our divorce proceeding in bad faith as some sort of punitive measure.  How hard would it be to prove this, and can I force the other side to pay my attorney’s fees as a result?

MY THOUGHTS: That will not be easy to prove, but if you can assemble an evidence packet for the court, you can ask the judge to order your spouse to contribute to your fees and costs based on their failure to work cooperatively towards a resolution.

ASK STACY: If I hire you as my divorce attorney, will you still be my lawyer even after the case is settled? Do you ever handle a second divorce for a client?

MY THOUGHTS: Often, lawyers will withdraw from a case once a judgment is entered, so that if any post-judgment legal matters occur, you are not incurring attorney's fees if/when documents are served on them. And yes, I have represented several clients more than once. I regularly represent clients in post-Judgment custody battles and child and spousal child support modifications. I have also represented prior clients in prenuptial agreements and subsequent divorces. I always hope that my clients will not need my services again in the future, but unfortunately, this does not always happen.

ASK STACY: I read that you are the chairperson of a non-profit called Public Counsel. What does that role mean to you in your career?

MY THOUGHTS: I am incredibly proud to be associated with Public Counsel, which is the largest provider of pro bono legal services in the country. I picked family law because I knew that I could make a difference in people's lives. I joined Public Counsel to provide similar kinds of support to those who cannot afford legal help, albeit most often not in the family law genre. The work of Public Counsel is making a significant impact, and I am thrilled to be a leader of this vital organization. Their work is truly God's work. You will be hearing a lot more about my work with Public Counsel over the coming year of my Chairpersonship.

Please note: The content and views expressed here are my own and do not reflect or represent the positions, strategies, views, or opinions of Blank Rome LLP.