Ask Stacy June – The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

In Southern California, where I live, during June, we experience a common weather phenomenon called “June Gloom.”  This pattern occurs when an atmospheric marine layer forms off the coast and then sweeps inland, blanketing the city in thick fog. Sometimes, this fog can last all day and does not burn off until the late afternoon, keeping temperatures cool and comfortable. However, some people grow weary of the overcast and yearn for the sun to return.

One might say this also describes the emotional experience of divorce. While going through the travails of divorce, it can feel like a dark pall has descended on your life and that happiness will never return. But as I tell my clients, brighter days are ahead. Divorce is a momentary experience, albeit a sometimes prolonged and always challenging one. However, during divorce, it is essential to maintain a sense of perspective. My job also involves helping to support my clients’ emotional well-being; having been through a divorce myself, I feel a deep empathy for what they are going through. And that is why I try to encourage all parties to remember the sun will come out again, and with it will come happier days.

On that optimistic note, let’s talk through some of the questions you have sent me:

ASK STACY: My family has a large burial plot where several generations are buried. I had intended for my wife and I to be buried there, but now that we are getting divorced, I no longer want her to be interred with me. She insists she has a right to this plot. If we can’t agree, how will the court settle this dispute?

MY THOUGHTS: The court will look at your family’s burial plot as having a value, which will be divided between you and your spouse. That said, the court is unlikely to force you to be buried together if that is not something you want. I suspect the court will determine a value that you will have to pay your spouse as compensation for terminating her access to the burial site.

ASK STACY: My spouse and I have a live-in housekeeper who has been with the family for decades. We both want her services exclusively after the divorce. She is reluctant to choose between us, fearing she might offend either of us. What does the law say about matters such as this?

MY THOUGHTS: The law says your housekeeper has a right to work for either of you, both of you, or neither of you. It is her decision. If you genuinely care about her feelings, you will not put her in a position where she has to make a decision. Just let her work for both of you. Keep in mind that forcing her to choose between you may create a bidding war, which could ultimately result in a higher cost for you.

ASK STACY: My wife has purchased several NFTs (non-fungible tokens, which represent digital art) over the years. I have no idea how much they are worth today. Do I need to hire an expert appraiser, or is she required to do that?

MY THOUGHTS: My advice would be to hire your appraiser unless you are familiar with the value. As the owner, your spouse (like you) is allowed to opine on the value of the art, but the opinion of an expert appraiser will likely carry more weight in the eyes of the court. You can hire a neutral appraiser, or each of you can have separate appraisers, and the court will evaluate the experience and knowledge of the appraiser to determine the value based on the testimony. This process is no different from appraising the value of your house, furniture, business, and so on.

ASK STACY: My spouse and I are getting divorced. A big reason I need to leave the marriage is because of the emotional distress caused by interference from his parents. We do not have a prenuptial agreement, and my spouse has a substantial trust provided by his parents. They do not want me to receive any share of that trust. What rights do I have?

MY THOUGHTS: The trust may only include your spouse, but if there is income from the trust and you are potentially a recipient of spousal and/or child support, then you have an indirect interest in the trust's income. Therefore, although you may not directly benefit from the trust, you may be entitled to a share of the revenue (in the form of spousal and/or child support) generated by that trust.

ASK STACY: I think my husband is hiding assets in the Metaverse, but I have no way to investigate this. Since he has not disclosed any additional assets, do I have recourse to compel him to disclose them?

MY THOUGHTS: The simple answer is yes. You can compel your husband to disclose all assets. He is obligated to do so, according to California law. If he does not, you can

go to court to further compel him and get sanctions. If you know of someone who assisted him in making those investments, you can subpoena that person to provide information on the investments. Ultimately, if your spouse does not comply with several court orders, then you may have the ability to get the court to grant you what is called an issue or an evidentiary sanction. This sanction means you could provide the court with data regarding the value of those assets, and the court would accept your valuation as opposed to his. This question brings up an important point. In this digital age, the need for forensic accountants who are knowledgeable about the various ways money can be invested and potentially hidden is crucial. When I assemble a team, I ensure that I have experts who are familiar with the latest technologies and innovations.

ASK STACY: My wife and I have a membership at a very exclusive country club. I would prefer not to see her at the club, but she refuses to quit the club. Since I joined the club long before our marriage even started, do I have the right to make it a stipulation that she relinquish her membership as part of our settlement?

MY THOUGHTS: Normally, memberships are not individual. Generally, they include the whole family or a couple. In the case you describe, you can offer to buy out her share of the membership. Assuming the membership was in both your names, there is no other recourse short of reaching an agreement.

ASK STACY: Have you ever had a divorce case where you wondered why on earth these two people ever got together in the first place?  I’m guessing you’ve seen every crazy kind of relationship under the sun.

MY THOUGHTS: I have seen numerous divorce cases where I couldn't understand why the two people got together in the first place. And then I've had divorce cases where the people still love each other, but they just are not a good match for living together. Honestly, I have seen the whole gamut from people treating each other with respect during the divorce to others treating each other horribly. The stress can bring out the best or the worst in people.

Please note: The content and views expressed here are my own and do not reflect or represent the positions, strategies, views, or opinions of Blank Rome LLP.